Does your long-term happiness depend more on what you hope for than what it actually is? Do you fall quickly and fearlessly in love without measuring the risks? Do you assume everyone has the ability to reach their highest potential? Are you convinced that if only your partner could see what you see, the two of you would be fantastic? Do you assume everyone loves the way that you do? Or that everyone does the right thing?
You’re not alone. We have all been blinded by the potential we see in others. Maybe it was real. Maybe we imagined it. Perhaps you were severely disappointed or even pleasantly surprised.
We SHOULD look to people and see wonderful possibilities. Whether we are partners, parents, friends or leaders, one of the greatest responsibilities we have is to support one another in achieving greatness.
HOWEVER, the biggest mistake we make is investing emotion, time, energy and finances trying to love someone into who YOU THINK they could become. If you are encouraging someone to reach their potential and getting nothing in return then the relationship is not healthy.
We often project the hopes, dreams and values we WISH they had rather than recognizing that they don’t share our vision or simply AREN’T CAPABLE. We don’t allow ourselves to see who they are at the moment.
We dismiss red flags such as lack of communication, irresponsibility, immaturity, insecurities, controlling or secretive behaviors, guilt trips and disrespect as minor nuisances. We become so fixated on the one or two traits that made this person attractive to begin with that we do not give enough weight to who they truly are.
If you’re continually trying to invest in someone, but there’s just no response, you are wasting your energy. If you are uncertain how to move forward and take care of yourself, it is time for therapy.
It’s not their fault they didn’t live up to your potential. It’s yours.
He or she is telling you who they are. Listen.
Carrie
