I will accept your apology in the form of changed behavior and remorse.
Have you ever found yourself in the awkward position of comforting someone for how badly they feel about what they’ve done to you?
There’s a lot of talk about how to properly apologize, but not a lot of information on how to receive an apology. A common response is to be polite. It’s socially acceptable to say “it’s ok” even when it’s not. “It’s ok” implies it’s all good and all is forgiven.
I recommend reserving the ‘it’s ok’ response for times when you are truly, 99% unimpacted by the other person’s actions. “I’m sorry I forgot to text you back.” “I’m sorry I’m 5 minutes late, traffic was horrible.”
Otherwise, decide what is right for you and if you’re ready to accept the apology. Feeling ready typically involves the offender being genuine, acknowledging the pain they’ve caused you and accepting responsibility for their actions.
If you’re still upset, you should say so. Don’t trust a repeat offender. Here are some examples of perfectly acceptable responses.
“I appreciate your apology. I need time to think about it, and I need to see some changes in your actions before I can begin to move forward with you.”
“This has become a pattern, and it’s hurtful and uncomfortable. I’m having difficulty trusting you.”
“I hear what you’re saying. I would really feel much better if I knew you weren’t going to do this again. How can I be certain that you won’t?”
Regardless, it’s important to process how you feel and figure out whether the apology you’ve received is an apology you can accept. Will you challenge yourself to respond to apologies in a more intentional and meaningful way?
Carrie
