Do you wait for someone to approve your choices? Do you postpone moving forward until permission is granted? Do you seek confirmation that your reasoning makes sense? Do you use someone else for an excuse as to why you can’t do something?
You want people to like you. You need others to validate your choices or your accomplishments. You need someone to assure you that you’re on the right path.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Sometimes, explaining yourself makes sense. Especially when someone misunderstands your intentions or when you’ve hurt someone. That’s not what I’m talking about here.
If you feel “ick” or bad when you hear yourself justifying or explaining who you are or what you’ve done, you may want to reevaluate things. If you are in a relationship where you are seen as incompetent, incapable, questionable or unable to set your own limits, then it can be difficult to break the habit of seeking approval through explaining.
Unhealthy explaining tells your subconscious that you are not as good as other people. That their thoughts are more important than your own. Also, it stops you from doing and being what you want to be out of fear of upsetting or offending someone.
Here’s a thought. What if you didn’t explain? What if you just announced what you’re doing and then followed through?
People’s reactions may be less than desirable at first, but they will eventually get it. If they don’t get it, they’re not your people. Gaining a sense of yourself as a trustworthy and competent person is worth the risk.
Wishing you much success in your relationships,
Carrie
P.S. Sign up for my newsletter and download my free Infidelity Survival Guide by clicking on the link below.
Yes, I fall into that trap sometimes. Thank you for sharing you insight.
Very definitely.