We all like to believe we have control in our lives. By creating some sort of guidelines, rules and boundaries, we expect the payoff to be some semblance of order. Having control creates the perception of security and certainty.
Ironically, control is a typical reaction to the fear of losing control. If you struggle with the need to be in control, then you might fear being at the mercy of others. This fear may stem from traumatic events that leave you feeling helpless and vulnerable.
Control issues may be related to:
• Traumatic or abusive life experiences
• A lack of trust
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem or self-worth
• Perfectionism and the fear of failure
• Fear of abandonment
• Emotional sensitivity
• Fear of experiencing painful emotion
These experiences may cause you to crave control in disproportionate and unhealthy ways. If you fear unpredictability, ambiguousness and uncertainty, your need to control may be excessive.
A good way to increase your coping skills is to understand the amount of stress that results from trying to change things beyond your control. In therapy, we examine the root cause of your need for control. By paying attention to behaviors, emotions and reactions, we focus on strengthening the positive and reducing negatives to transform your life. You will learn to separate yourself from what happened and begin to focus on how you respond.
So, where do you fall on the control spectrum?
