Do you feel you are always to blame? Are you made to feel everything is your fault? Is nothing you do ever right?
One of the biggest clues you are in a problematic relationship is how the relationship makes you feel overall. If interactions leave you feeling troubled, distressed, anxious, and guilty or feeling like you are completely incompetent, stupid or unlovable, you’ll want to learn solutions that provide you relief.
Being in a relationship with this type of person often results in you feeling that there is something wrong with you. If only you were more attentive, smarter, nicer, better, or more affectionate, etc., everything would be fine.
These one-sided relationships can easily convince you that this is your fault and if only you weren’t “xyz”, things would be perfect.
Manipulative people keep you guessing as to what version of them you are getting. You’ll wonder what you’ve done to upset them. Often times, there isn’t anything obvious to explain the sudden shift in their behavior. Perhaps it’s an eye roll, the silent treatment or a sigh. But it’s mean to keep you being responsible for their feelings and for the fact that they can’t be adult and come to you.
This lack of responsibility on their part often results in depression, self-sabotaging, self-destructive behaviors and self-loathing on your part. This is because the blamer doesn’t really see a problem with anything he or she does. The fact that you are upset or feel guilty or bad about it only “proves” that he or she is right. The blamer can also feels he or she is “helping” you by telling you what you’re doing wrong or ways to improve yourself.
Some people can’t be pleased no matter what you do. Know that in most cases, this has nothing to do with you. Be confident and own your stuff. There’s a difference between giving what’s necessary and giving your entire self away. Know the difference.
For more information, take my relationship quiz.
Carrie
