Codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects a person’s ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. Also known as “relationship addiction,” codependents often form or maintain relationships that are grounded in control and neediness rather than love and respect.
Characteristics of a codependent person may include:
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• Chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications
• Difficulty making decisions
• Low self-worth
If you identify with some of these characteristics, or if you are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships, begin by learning more about codependency. The more you understand codependency, the better you can cope with its effects.
Take a codependency quiz at https://www.carrienet.com/codependency/
If you think you might be codependent, consider seeking the help of a therapist. The greatest problem people face in getting help for codependency is a lack of self-awareness. You simply don’t see your role in the relationship dysfunction. Codependents instinctually know that the relationship is unhealthy, but they are convinced that the problem lies with the other person or that the problem is situational. “If I could just fix him/her, then everything would be fine.”
Ending the relationship isn’t always necessary, nor is it the only solution. To repair a codependent relationship, it’s important to set boundaries and find happiness as an individual. This allows you to work on developing new, healthier ways of coping while finding your independence.
Codependency is learned. As such, it can be unlearned.
Carrie
