When unfortunate events happen to you, how do you react? Do you find someone to blame or do you take responsibility for what is under your control?
Maybe you believe your relationship is making you feel miserable. Your family made you feel guilty for not coming to visit. Your boss made you feel incompetent with his feedback. Your children are making you feel unappreciated.
If you find yourself angry, resentful, stressed, anxious, guilty or fearful about how you are being treated, it’s time for you to do a self-check.
Think about the people you believe MAKE you feel this way.
Do the following statements ring true?
• I can’t make my own decisions.
• I can’t ask for what I need.
• I can’t say no.
• I feel criticized.
• I feel responsible for their feelings.
• I seem to take on their moods.
• I am often nervous, anxious or resentful around them.
Then ask yourself:
“What is it about ME that makes people think they can treat me this way?”
When we take responsibility for our part in any negative kind of treatment we are receiving from others, it takes us out of a ‘victim’ stance and allows us to see what we actually are able to change — ourselves.
Is it possible that your anger towards other people stems from unrealistic expectations of others? Are you hoping they’ll do for you what you won’t do for yourself?
If you don’t stick up for yourself, exercise self-care, take time rest or to put yourself first, neither will they.
Commit to quitting:
• Trying to fixing others
• Taking responsibility for the outcome of other’s choices
• Saving or rescuing people
• Needing to be needed
• Changing yourself to be liked
• Depending on other’s approval
The first steps to building better boundaries are knowing and understanding what your own limits are.
Decide who you are, what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for. You are responsible for your happiness, your behavior, your choices, and your feelings.
Most importantly, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU ALLOW.
Carrie
This is great info and if I could blame myself for anything it’s desiring to be treated with decency. I know I can’t force that on people, but that’s when I speak up and say they need to meet realistic standards. I always thought people ‘knew better,’ but now I know it’s what they choose to do and how far they try to go with bad behavior. I’m not their mommy so I do my part, because sometimes things change for our good because someone else intercedes to make a difference. I’m working on my life not the’ perp’s.’