Are you your own worst critic? Do you hold yourself to impossibly high standards? Do you beat yourself up for things other people wouldn’t even think about? Do you blame yourself when bad things happen?
Self-loathing or self-hate isn’t something we’re born with. Self-hate is a learned pattern of thinking and behavior that can be related to significant disappointments, childhood experiences and a desire to protect ourselves from possible letdowns. Many of us develop self-loathing thoughts simply as a way to cope with life.
Sometimes we use self-loathing as a way to motivate ourselves. For instance, you might tell yourself, “you’re being ridiculous” or “suck it up.” Despite being extremely negative, these statements sometime push us to do better or try harder.
But many of us use self-loathing as a way to protect ourselves from disappointment or failure. For instance, you may tell yourself, “I’ll never find love” or “I’m an incapable screw-up who can’t do anything right.”
And then there is self-hate that is completely and outright destructive. For instance, “I’m stupid” or “I’m worthless” or “I’m pathetic.”
Hating yourself in any form is a dangerous and unhealthy mindset. Hating yourself isn’t going to help in the long run. Wallowing in a self-indulgent hate-on-myself-party isn’t beneficial. Nor is it useful in creating real lasting change. You can’t solve for the future from inside a self-hating, self-imposed bubble. Berating and criticizing yourself isn’t going to fix it. SELF-HATRED IS NOT THERAPY.
So what do you do to climb out of this hole?
The first step in healing is to begin changing your mindset. Stop allowing yourself the habit of hating on yourself. Keep your eyes peeled for trigger words. Identify the words your say. What are the phrases that repeatedly come out of your mouth when you’re deciding to shut down?
Decide what you want to change about yourself. No one can make you love you other than you. It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”
If you want out of this vicious cycle, but have your doubts that you can, therapy can make a huge difference. If you are caught up in the I’m-just-a-different-breed-and-no-one-will-ever-get-me bandwagon, this is just another self-loathing belief contributing to your unhappiness.
I get it. I’ve helped countless people make significant changes and I can help you too. Stop hating yourself once and for all.
Contact me for a free consultation at carrie@carrienet.com
Carrie
