Are you accustomed to your distress? Do you need chaos to feel at ease? Do you find reasons to be unhappy when life gets “too good?” Do you feel you don’t deserve happiness? Do you have dramatic, unfulfilling relationships? Are you consumed with guilt or past regrets, so you choose to punish yourself?
Many of us make the assumption that as humans, we seek pleasure and avoid pain. But often times, especially in the case of depression and anxiety, happiness seems just out of reach. It’s not that you choose unhappiness. You simply don’t know any differently. It’s familiar. You just don’t know another way of existing or being. And more often than not, fear is what is getting in the way.
Unhappy and unhealthy relationships can be familiar. They support and reinforce your negative beliefs as well as your fears. For many of us, they provide an ill-advised opportunity to right the wrongs of our past or go for broke in attempts to have this relationship be the exception to the rule. It’s as if you have to prove to yourself that this time will be different.
Unhealthy relationships can feel like ‘home’ because they represent what you know, even if what you know is pain.
Nevertheless, this kind of familiarity keeps you in relationship insanity. You continue to carry around the same beliefs, baggage and behaviors from past relationship, while choosing similar people and familiar situations. In the meantime, you’re expecting different results this go around. Which leaves you wondering, yet again, why this didn’t work out this time.
“Keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got”.
Stop the ride! With counseling and treatment, there is hope for happiness becoming the new norm. Therapy can help change your mindset, which in turn can help you overcome obstacles.
Part of moving forward is recognizing that being uncomfortable is a sign you are growing and learning. I firmly believe that all personal growth is dependent upon pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. In every moment, you have the option to choose peace for yourself.
