You and I have been together a long time. Frankly, I can’t imagine my life without you. The mere thought of not being together is scary and unknown. You may not be healthy for me, but you are, at the very least, familiar.
This is the part where I tell you… it’s not me after all, it’s actually you. I have grown tired of you. Because of you, I see problems where they don’t exist. I look for things to go wrong and you, Insecurity, make certain that I will always find what I’m looking for.
I find that I apologize when an apology isn’t even necessary. I can’t give a compliment, nor can I accept one. I look for hundreds of ways to dismiss a compliment. I can’t even stand to hear it. Praise makes me uneasy. Accolades make me cringe. You, Insecurity, make it clear that I don’t deserve good things.
With you in charge, I can’t look people in the eye. I have to turn away or look down. You are well aware, Insecurity, that people will see right through me. They will see the “me” that you see. The “me” you convinced me that I am.
Because of you, I always fear being judged. You make me vulnerable. I worry constantly I will reveal too much. I do too much. I don’t do enough. Anticipation of other’s disapproval or rejection tethers me to an inability to say “No” to people. I can’t ever ask for help. I’m convinced that I have to say “Yes”, even when it’s unhealthy for me. I am constantly fearful my relationships will end. I am afraid I will lose my job and I am certain I can’t take care of myself financially.
Insecurity, I have allowed you to be in control. But I am done with you. I am fighting for the healthy person inside me and that simply does not include you. I don’t have a solid knowledge of my abilities and of who I am, but I am done depending on others to tell me who I am. Out of respect for myself, I will find strength.
Good riddance,
Me
It’s not unusual to feel insecure. But when insecurities start interfering with life and getting in the way of your happiness, it is time to start therapy. If you know you’ve got to stop acting out of insecurity, but don’t know how, therapy can help. If it were easy, you would have done it by now.
