Do you wake up every morning with details of your past scrolling through your mind? When things are going well do you expect something will eventually go wrong? Do you resent your parents/others for screwing you up in some way? Do you react to circumstances without knowing or understanding the bigger picture? Do you have a hard time accepting people for who they are? Do you find yourself clinging to one particular period of your life? Does humiliation haunt you? Do regrets gnaw at your soul? Do you feel your best days are behind you?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have a tendency to live in the past. Please note that there is a difference between remembering the past and living in it.
If you feel your past is holding you back, you are not alone. As much as we try to shake off these thoughts and get on with our lives, the past can poison and contaminate the present. There is nothing more lethal to relationships and happiness than living in the past.
The biggest reason for gravitating towards the past is it helps us avoid dealing with what is currently going on our lives.
If I can reminisce about great times with my high school sweetheart, then I don’t have to look at how horrible my marriage is today. If I can blame my parents for everything bad that has happened to me, then I don’t have to take responsibility to change anything. Even though I am miserable in my career, at least I’m not wasting this degree. If I keep this shrine of my deceased’s belongings, then they haven’t really left me.
Everyone, including the healthiest of people, has baggage. Whether it is a through death, a broken heart, being bullied as a child, being a victim, or the loss of a relationship, our good and bad experiences can co-exist together. Good stuff. Hard stuff. It all makes us who we are. Life isn’t about totally getting over the bad stuff or never feeling sad or hurt from the things that have happened to us. But rather, healthy living involves using our past as the catalyst to rise above the turmoil.
The hard times you have experienced in the past are part of your story, but they don’t have to be THE story.
Recovering from the past is not as simple as people make it out to be. A “let it go” attitude isn’t that easy. Therapy actively questions your old negative mindset and replaces it with healthier alternatives. Once we become aware of how unhealthy our patterns are and how they are sabotaging our future, we can begin the process of opening ourselves up to change.
Carrie
