Manipulation is the process of trying to change another person’s feelings, beliefs, or behaviors through indirect tactics. Rather than expressing needs and wants clearly, manipulative people use deception, coercion and even threats to get their needs met.
How often are you “guilted” into doing something you don’t want to do? Saying something you don’t want to say? Participating where you don’t want to participate? How often do you feel so guilty and responsible for someone else’s feelings that you sacrifice your own well-being?
Common tactics manipulators use include: lying, withholding information, denying feelings, playing the victim, blaming the victim, minimizing others’ feelings, pretending to be confused or ignorant, guilting, shaming, and pretending that the methods are intended to serve a higher purpose or a greater good.
If we didn’t have such strong feelings of affection for the guilt tripper or if we weren’t so worried about the consequences, we would not allow ourselves to be manipulated. But we may not see a guilt trip as a manipulation because it is often hidden and buried under feelings of obligations, love and habits.
The ultimate goal of a guilt trip is control. While the guilt trip may indeed change feelings, thoughts and behavior, the change comes at price. Those who use guilt are usually so focused on getting the result they want, they are entirely blind to the damage their methods cause. Guilt trips not only induce strong feelings of guilt but equally strong feelings of resentment toward the manipulator.
One or two guilt trips might not be a big deal and the negative effects may be minimal. But the toxicity of repeated guilt trips can build quickly over time and cause significant strains and emotional distance in relationships.
When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt, however, will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way.
Learn how to minimize your manipulator’s power by recognizing the role you play in this. Your awareness of your role in the guilt trip process gives you the power to stop it from happening. If you find yourself caught up in a web of deception and unclear motives, it could be manipulation.
The sooner you nip guilt trips in the bud, the better. Learn to recognize the patterns of a guilt trip through therapy, so that you can defuse it quickly. You can then set the standards for more meaningful, emotionally mature and honest communication.
Carrie
