If you always find yourself having to prove your worth to someone, you have already lost your value.
“He loves me, he loves me not.” “She loves me, she loves me not.” Have you ever been in a relationship like this? The one in which one person seeks to determine whether or not the object of their affection returns that affection. Are you in a relationship that leaves you questioning and analyzing every action and reaction? Do you repeatedly wonder why you’re not loved back with the same kind of love you give?
Most of us have a universal idea of what we want in a relationship. People want to feel loved and supported. We need to feel valued, validated and respected. We want compassion and acceptance.
When we don’t feel worthy, however, we look to other people for reassurance. Perhaps we don’t feel smart enough, successful enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough, wealthy enough or talented enough or simply good enough. So we go the extra mile.
Feeling insecure can catapult us into wanting to be the most amazing person on the planet. Not because we want to make THEM to feel good, but be because WE want to feel good. We want to be loved. We want acceptance, but we perceive ourselves as flawed. Unlovable. And we can’t understand why we are not loved in the same way we love, so we take the liberty of accepting total blame.
There is nothing wrong with going above and beyond for one another. The best loves are those that you connect physically and emotionally. The best love isn’t about scorekeeping.
If you’re in a healthy, loving relationship, where you both genuinely care about the others’ well being, you’ll naturally stop keeping score and you’ll reap the benefits of a truly loving relationship.
The greatest truth here is: When we know and see our own value, we will attract people who do, too. No one is going to love, respect and commit to you, until you do that for yourself.
It starts within. You can’t find it in other people. You start by setting new standards for your relationships. Be willing to believe you are worthy. It’s about no longer proving your worth, but accepting it. Find ways to let go of people who believe otherwise or who refuse to see it.
Do you have the courage to truly accept your worth?
Carrie
