Do you have someone in your life that seems to derive pleasure from creating chaos? A family member that knows how to push your buttons or shuts you out when you try to talk about something serious? Or a colleague who is a know-it-all or a one-upper? Do you have an explosive boss? Are you in a relationship with someone who constantly complains or manipulates you?
We all have difficult people in our lives.
As a therapist, I am constantly asked to deal with a difficult person. Sometimes we are the difficult person and sometimes it’s the other person that’s being difficult.
Relationships take more than one person. The only way you can change the relationship is by changing yourself. By changing yourself, the hope is that this will influence the other person to change. However, there are no guarantees.
How do you become the person who plays well with others even when they display less than desirable personality traits?
Ask yourself:
• Am I displaying the attitude and behavior I expect of the other person?
• Have I clearly communicated my wants and needs?
• What can I do to demonstrate that I am willing to have an open, honest and respectful communication?
• Am I focusing on the behavior rather than the person?
If you can answer yes to all these questions and feel you have genuinely tried to change yourself and your role in the relationship without much success, it may be time to consider whether you should be dealing with this person at all. Other times, it’s about reducing the frequency in which you deal with the difficult person.
You can improve communication and relationship skills, but it takes some work. If you are struggling and feel that you have exhausted your resources, therapy will teach how to deal with difficult people.
You cannot change the other person. You can only change what you say and do and how you respond.
Contact me to learn how to change your relationships with difficult people. https://www.carrienet.com/contact
Carrie
