Do you ever feel selfish if you do something that makes you happy? Do you ever feel guilty if taking care of yourself means putting someone else out? Does sleeping in make you feel irresponsible? Does tending to your own needs make you apologetic to others? Do you believe that you are lazy and unproductive unless you are constantly busy or working?
Self-sacrificing and people pleasing is typically done to earn love, validation or approval from other people. Pleasing others becomes problematic when your behavior is motivated by the fear of losing someone’s love or the fear of abandonment. We people please and sacrifice because there is a payoff.
But putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own often leads to resentment. The truth is that in all relationships, there has to be a healthy balance of give and take. If you are not getting enough of what you need (love, appreciation, fulfillment, validation, happiness, respect, relaxation, etc.) chances are that the relationship is already experiencing an imbalance.
Giving up your right to have your own thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors to “fit” in families and other social structures is often learned in childhood.
This harmful pattern simply extends to our relationships with others in adulthood and creates havoc in our relationships at home, with friends and in the workplace. We simply have not learned another way.
If you have problems with self-sacrificing, you may want to seek therapy to help to re-write your rules. Learn another way. If you find yourself aiming to please to an excessive degree, then you are at high risk for frustration, fatigue, chronic anxiety, low self-esteem, eventual depression and even chronic illness.
Let therapy help you build confidence in your ability to express your own thoughts, beliefs and feelings without apology. Recreating balance in relationships is key to a happier life.
Carrie
