Is My Ex a Narcissist?

The term “Narcissist” is being used quite a bit of late. It is used the most by those trying to label people with whom they have ended a relationship. I am not, by any means, discounting the difficulty of being in a relationship with someone who has Narcissistic tendencies. Assuming, however, the relationship has ended, the real question should be, “Why do I care?”

We care because our own self-esteem has taken a beating from the relationship and we are looking for ways to justify or explain how we could be treated so poorly. We care because the betrayal, the manipulation and the lies still hurt. We care because we have self-doubt in our ability to attract good people and maintain a healthy relationship. We care because we are looking for closure that may never come.

The problem with this is it keeps us from finding the answers to two questions we really need to know. We need to know WHY we fell for a person like this. We need to know HOW to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Preoccupation with whether this person is a Narcissist or simply an ass takes the focus off ourselves, which is where it really needs to be.

The only way to succeed is to NOT worry what the narcissist is doing.

Is there something inside you that draws you towards these types of people? Are there red flags you can look for to keep from finding yourself in this situation again? What should you do early on if you suspect this person is not who you first thought they were?

Therapy can help you answer these questions and give you the skills you need to avoid relationships with toxic people. And it can help you move past what you once thought was real.

I’m here when you’re ready.

Carrie