There are many reasons why relationships come to an end.
Your relationship may have failed due to infidelity, money issues, broken promises, boredom, commitment issues, loneliness, emotional or physical abuse, communication issues, addiction problems, incompatibility issues, unmet expectations for one other or perhaps trust issues.
These are a few of the common reasons relationships end. However, it was likely a combination of patterns and behaviors that were present when, and long before the failure occurred.
The end of a relationship often leaves us in a bad place. Even when it is what we wanted. Even when we know it is best for us. We end up gathering a collection of unpleasant memories from the relationship… an “emotional baggage.” We then transport these negative experiences and, most importantly, our negative thoughts and perceptions and interpretations to the here and now and into the future.
If you don’t come to terms with these factors and take responsibility for your part then you are not starting from a clean slate. This makes it impossible to succeed moving forward.
For instance, if you were cheated on in your last relationship and haven’t examined your part and how it affected you, you will likely head into the next relationship getting your needs met by being controlling, jealous, over demanding and needy. Even if you don’t think you are at fault. Your perception is likely to be “All men or women cheat.” Looking for your new love to fix it or to have him or her prove your theory in a different way will end up leaving you disappointed, yet again.
The key to healthy relationships in the future is how willing you are to examine your past relationships, understand them, and work through them. It is necessary to look at your own behaviors and interactions in the relationship. Left unchecked, you’ll likely encounter the same problems in every relationship you start.
None of us have the ability to erase our past. Nor can we rewrite it. We can, however, absolutely learn to relate to it differently so that we are no longer triggered by it. We have the ability to no longer be affected by it.
With that said, this doesn’t mean that you will never feel emotions again or that you will no longer remember it, or even hurt from it. It does mean that you can learn how to make better choices to support your own happiness.
If mistakes from your past relationships still plague you, it’s time for therapy. Healing happens when you’re willing to see how you’re stuck, and you do whatever it takes to be free.
Carrie
