It can be hard to understand why someone who is supposed to care about you can hurt you.
And because you’re you – that beautiful, soft, loving, forgiving, understanding, compassionate, helpful, giving, caring, hopeful you – is exactly why you’re about to do the very worst thing you could do.
You blame yourself.
You start thinking you were too pushy, too naggy, too demanding, too impatient, too sensitive, too insecure, too anxious, and too needy. You beat yourself up; you criticize yourself, telling yourself if you had only done things differently, he would treat you better. You keep going back and second-guessing yourself, berating yourself that if only you had done this, or if only you hadn’t done that. If only you hadn’t said that. If only you hadn’t gone there. If only, if only, if only. Until finally, you convince yourself that this is really all your fault, that you simply aren’t enough for him, that there is something wrong with you.
You are wrong. This isn’t about you. This isn’t about anything you did wrong, or any regrets about what you should or could have done differently. It always takes two people to make a relationship work – and both parties have to want the same thing and be on the same page.
At the end of the day, a true measure of love is always about consistency. When you love someone, you cannot pick and choose the times you show you care, when you express love, and when you demonstrate your affection for the one you love.
Treating the one you love with respect is a full time activity. Are you being treated with respect or are you being shown respect sparingly and inconsistently? You cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. You are either respectful all the time or not. It really is that simple. You are not entitled to pick and choose.
Carrie
