Are you worried what other people will think of you if you say no? Are you afraid of being rude? Do you like to be agreeable? Do you fear conflict? Are you afraid of burning bridges? Are you worried about hurting people’s feelings and the guilt that goes with it?
Be nice. Smile. Help. Always say the right thing. Be polite. Avoid conflict. Don’t be selfish. Be obedient. Take the blame. Say you’re sorry, even when it’s not your fault. Don’t upset anyone. Keep up the façade. Don’t let them know. Hide your anger. Put your own needs and wants aside for others. “That’s what good people do.”
Saying yes to everything is the fastest way to burn out. Over time, it comes with a set of consequences. Every time you say yes to someone or something, you have to set aside time and mental energy. For many of us, this takes away from our own needs.
It is ok if you are just dealing with a small number of requests. If you don’t learn how to prioritize your needs, you can easily be weighed down from a seemingly never-ending stream of demands. Every “yes” comes with a cost. It costs you the time, energy and commitment to honor the request.
Initially, the cost for each “yes” may be small. It can add up quickly over time, however. It can keep you from your own basic needs such as not getting enough sleep. It will eventually interfere with the bigger things such as achieving your long-term goals.
It leads to resentment simply because you do not have the time, energy or focus to devote to yourself after giving it to everyone else.
Here’s the thing. Putting your own needs does not make you a bad person or a jerk or a bitch. There is some middle ground, all of which we cover in therapy. Being able to say no to others is strong and powerful. And being strong and powerful does not preclude you from being a good, loyal, caring, responsible, giving, hardworking person or a steadfast friend. It says you love and care enough about yourself to make yourself a priority. Surround yourself with people who get that.
Let’s prioritize and let me help you become more cognizant of how you live your life and the things you allow to enter your space and time.
