We cannot control what other people do or think. If you really start to pay attention to your emotions, you will learn that it is not someone else’s behavior that is creating your misery, but rather your responses to their behavior. We forget that people get to choose how they want to live their lives and how they want to act.
When you respond to someone’s behavior with anger, blame, resistance, withdrawal or compliance, you will likely end up feeling anxious, stressed or depressed. This is especially true when someone is behaving in a way that feels unloving to us — attacking, manipulating, blaming, lying, shaming, and so on. It is so easy to believe that your misery is coming from their behavior, rather than from your own response to their behavior. Again, we forget that people get to choose how they want to act.
One of our greatest challenges is to understand what personal responsibility means regarding our own feelings and behavior. We cannot control the other person. We can only control how we react to what they do or think. By observing your reactions, you are better able to make adjustments to them when they don’t serve you well. You become empowered.
Carrie
