Do you give your time, attention and energy to practically anyone who asks for it?
Saying “no”, whatever the request, can make us feel unlovable, guilty, selfish, anxious, uncomfortable and rejected. Many of us have a desire to make everyone happy, even if it is at our own expense. Our need for safety, love and approval is so intense that we allow someone else’s needs and feelings to take priority over our own.
I am not suggesting you start saying no to everything and everyone. But keep in mind that saying yes (when you need or want to say no) eventually causes burnout and resentment. Pick and choose what is important to you. Guard your time, energy and emotions. Treat yourself with the same value you give to those you love. Most importantly, remember saying yes or no is a choice. Your choice.
You don’t have to justify yourself. You are entitled to your own opinions and decisions. You are worthy of respect. Stop explaining yourself, and stand in that place inside where you know that you’re worthwhile.
Breaking your patterns of unhealthy responsibility means challenging thought patterns and becoming clear about what is your job, and what is NOT your job. With motivation and support, you can do this.
Don’t be discouraged if you can’t quickly change your unhealthy patterns. It is a process. While the idea of saying no may be simple, carrying it out in real life can be complicated, messy and confusing. If you find this task to be impossible, utilize therapy as a way to move the process forward.
Carrie
