Are the positive changes you’re making for yourself a problem for others? Do you feel your old ways and old relationships are no longer cutting it? Do you not enjoy your friendships as much as you once did? Have the changes you’ve made left you feeling unsettled, despite being positive ones?
When I work with clients on relationships, we almost always start with strengthening the self. Bettering yourself can really affect the people around you. Sometime it strengthens relationships and other times it weakens them.
I wish I could say it’s always a positive response, but not everyone is going to love the changes you’re making. Typically, as a person becomes healthier, they also become more aware of what is unhealthy.
This has the potential to really shake things up and ruffle some feathers. What used to be okay no longer sits right. What we used to tolerate now seems intolerable. What was once acceptable is now unacceptable. What was good enough is now offensive.
So does this mean you abandon everything and anyone that no longer serves you?
Not necessarily. Don’t give up on people just yet. Your feelings are a normal reaction and you’ll have to sort through them. If you want to change old relationships, then YOU have to be new in them. You’ll have to change how you interact with the people in your life and see how they respond. Much of this will require being honest and crystal clear about you want and need from them. Passive aggressiveness, ignoring it, shutting down or being superficial with people isn’t going to work moving forward. YOU are responsible for retraining them.
Don’t assume you’ve outgrown one another. Give people the opportunity to adjust to your new changes and perhaps grow with you. You may be pleasantly surprised how they rise to the occasion.
If they continue to respond to the new you in old ways, then maybe it is time to cut the ties. If it’s not functional or supportive, then you must look at what the relationships is costing you. Make certain you don’t cut people off too quickly. Talking to a professional is a great way to sort through the confusion.
Ultimately choose what’s good for you and the person you are becoming. You deserve it.
Carrie
