Do you fiercely love the people in your life, and it’s not equally given back? Do you give a lot of yourself and expect it in return? Does your heart seem bigger than everyone else’s? Are you supportive of friends, even though they don’t check on you? Are you not getting honesty from others?
We all have expectations. There is nothing wrong with expecting the people in our lives to behave in certain ways. However, we can expect all we want. That doesn’t mean it happens. This is typically the source of extreme hurt, pain, anger, resentment and disappointment.
It’s difficult to get past the pain because most people get hung up on what reality should be — a single perception or lens with which they see the world. If we’re trapped in it, we can’t past it.
Ask yourself:
- Am I expecting others to be someone they are not?
- Are my expectations realistic or am I requiring a bare minimum?
- Am I communicating my feelings, the ground rules and negotiating where appropriate?
- If I can’t change the situation, can I change my attitude about it?
- Remember that whatever you think someone else should be able to give you, you must be able to give it to yourself first.
Expectations can turn to into resentments and are complicated to navigate. If you find yourself stuck, a therapist can create a safe space and sounding board for you to worth through it.
Carrie
