The silent treatment is one of the most common forms of conflict in relationships. It is also the most damaging. Radio silence stems from hurt feelings and an inability or unwillingness to express yourself appropriately.
Children sulk when they don’t get their way and learn that shutting out people is a form of punishment. As adults, shutting down and refusing to interact or even acknowledge someone’s presence is our attempt to punish and gain control.
Examples of The Silent Treatment:
• A mother speaks to everyone in the family except for one because she disagreed with her earlier this year.
• A friend no longer takes your phone calls after forgetting her birthday.
• A husband refuses to speak to his wife about the state of their marriage, which keeps her from discussing it.
• An employee stops interacting with a co-worker because he or she arrives late everyday to work.
Typically, the goal of giving people the silent treatment is to arouse fear or guilt or forced responsibility into the one being punished.
Brief silence is okay. Silence can sometimes happen because it isn’t easy to find the right words to say, and we need time to think things through. However, prolonged and deliberate silence only causes problems to further escalate.
The silent treatment is emotionally abusive. Extended silence is a form of game playing by using manipulation to provoke feelings of guilt and to cause distress to the other person.
Are you caught in the middle of this cycle? To break free of the silent treatment, talk it over with a therapist. It’s important to take ownership for your role in the silent treatment and it’s time to learn improved communication skills. Understanding that open, honest and mature communication is key.
Carrie
Yes, Jen, you are not alone. There are many people that just don’t want to be bothered, but at the same time we are so desperate for interaction and good quality relationships.
Silent treatment is also a gaslighting technique used to confuse and get the target off balance, lose confidence and creates anxiety. I have had it used on me so many times. I didn’t fully “get it” until I read “the gaslight effect” and other Psych/Sociopath and Narcissist techniques used to deceive and manipulate.
Yes Bill. You are so right. And they do it so well, that you really do start to question yourself.
When trying to communicate your feelings or point of view & it gets twisted & distorted then being silent is the only way to respond to abuse. You can’ t reason with an unreasonable person.
Excellent explanation of this concept. I knew parents, spouses used quite often but surprised with amount of adult friends. That shows lack of trust & respect.