How many times can you forgive? How many apologizes and I’m sorrys are too many? When does it become unhealthy for you to forgive someone over and over and over again?
Many contend that that we should forgive others because it is good for us. Theoretically, the forgiver is the one who benefits.
But when does your ability to readily forgive others actually become your weakness?
Many of us end up in relationships that repeatedly result in the same behaviors, excuses and apologies we have experienced time and time again. But despite the many times your heart has been broken, the lies you’ve been told, the excuses you’ve heard and the feelings of disappointment and hurt…you forgive.
You forgive. And then the same wrongdoing happens again. You feel hurt, frustrated and angry. You forgave this person once, yet here you are again. Every time they promise to try harder, then ultimately fail. Every incident deteriorates the bond of friendship, family or love that you have with them. Every time stings just a little bit more than the last time.
It’s a vicious cycle.
One of the big problems with forgiving is that so many people don’t really understand what forgiveness is or how it works. We think we do, but we don’t.
If you are hurt once then you are the victim. If you are hurt twice and don’t make an effort to change things, then you are on your way to becoming an enabler. If you find yourself constantly forgiving, it’s time to take a look at the dance you are doing with the other person. The one that sets us up to be continually hurt, attacked, or abused.
The solution to ending the cycle of hurt and disappointment starts with you. There is never a need to continue trusting those who violate your trust. You don’t have to like being around those who hurt you. Through therapy you learn to give yourself permission to forgive, forget, and let go of the bitterness while enforcing your rights to healthy boundaries.
Carrie
