Let people do what they want to do, so you see what they’d rather do. Their actions reveal how much they respect the relationship.
There are moments in everyone’s lives that show their character. Character isn’t just revealed in our best moments. The truth often reveals itself in the little everyday moments.
Letting go of control means accepting people for who they really are, not who you want them to be. Most of us have some sort of baseline expectation of how people SHOULD behave in any given situation. This often gets us into trouble.
When you try to control the situation, people do whatever it takes to placate you with no real intention of changing their behavior.
What do people do when you’re not watching? Here lies the secret.
People are messy. They come with their own insecurities, limitations, and low self-esteem. Finding ways to fill this void, often becomes the incentive for distracting, disconnecting, and detaching from their past. Even if it hurts you or anyone in their path.
Your role is not to hold a mirror for them. If they can’t see it for themselves, you can’t show them who they are. You are not going to change them.
What you can do is tell them how you feel and what you would like to happen. You may or may not get the reaction or answer you’re looking for. Focus on what you will or will not tolerate. Release the need to control the situation. Then, you will find your true power.
Any kind of healthy relationship worth keeping will never require you to sacrifice your dignity or self-respect.
Carrie
