Many of us wonder how we can forget the past and all the painful memories that come along with it. If only amnesia was an option, or maybe some kind of magic pill to make us forget certain events in our lives. Perhaps this is where drugs or alcohol came into your life.
Painful memories always seem to be the toughest for us to leave behind. This really boils down to the fact that you cannot forget your past. Stuffing or ignoring your feelings doesn’t work. Waiting for an apology postpones your happiness. And waiting for time to heal your wounds, proves fruitless.
Forgetting is NOT an option. Healing is about learning to accept the past. You don’t have to like it, nor do you have to believe that it is okay. You have to reach a point where you acknowledge it is a part of you. Your goal is to neutralize the story from the past so that it loses its power over you. It becomes transparent, with no meaning and no effect.
In this situation, the point of therapy is not to make a person remember every distressing event in their lives and rehash it. There really isn’t a need to remember every detail in order for a person to heal. But in order for healing to occur, people DO have to talk about their past experiences. Recovery is about changing your relationship with your thoughts so they don’t constantly sit like a black cloud over your head.
Therapy helps people gain control and power over their trauma, bad memories and feelings so that they can move forward with their lives. Through talking, you are able to acknowledge the trauma, remember what happened, feel it, think about it, share it, and put it in perspective. The goal of treatment is to change your reaction to what happened and to focus on the present to help you live a healthier, more functional life NOW.
You cannot change what happened, but you can keep it from controlling you and interfering with your life.
Carrie
There’s a difference between talking about your pain and reliving it to hold on to the remnants of a dysfunctional relationaship. Sometimes we continue thinking about the past and talking about it because we don’t want to let go and would rather hold on to something unhealthy and live in pain of it. When does therapeutic talking and accepting the past become a crutch and an excuse not to let go? It starts I believe with refusing to view yourself as a victim in a broken relationship and to own your part of it. Secondly, not reliving your mistakes or what happened to you. Exercise, meditation and attempting to move on with new positive connections are ways that have helped reduce the pain and make it less frequent.
I wish I could afford you. I really do. Everything you write about is what I’m going through. I swear every post is relevant.
Awww. Thank you Cat. There are a lot of really great therapists out there. Depending on your needs and where are you are at, you can check with your insurance for who is covered or you can look into local “sliding scale” counselors . They are based on your ability to pay.