Have you ever had a thought you don’t want to have? Do you ruminate about the future? Are you constantly reliving thoughts of a difficult conversation? Is a bad experience playing over and over in your head on an endless loop?
Just don’t think about it.
Possibly the absolute worst piece of advice ever!
Did you know that research shows that trying to not think about something often makes the intrusive thoughts more difficult to ignore? The more we consciously try to suppress the thought, the more it comes to mind.
Let’s try a little experiment…
For the next 30 seconds think about whatever you want to think about. What you’re eating for dinner. A movie you just watched. A conversation you had a work. The plane overhead. The work you need to finish…
But…whatever you do, DON’T think about a pink elephant.
Hmm. What are you thinking about now?
So, how long did you make it without thinking about a pink elephant? My guess is 5 seconds.
If you are wondering how this happened, in psychology we call this the “ironic process theory”. Deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to surface.
They are the strongest when we are distracted or stressed in some way. This is precisely why it is unhelpful to try “not to think about” things that are causing you anxiety, worry or depression.
So what do we do?
If our brains are perpetually going, the ideas in our mind can seem never-ending. However, if we are always avoiding these thoughts, or pushing them aside to focus on daily tasks or keeping busy, they don’t have a chance to be set free.
Simply giving your thoughts a few moment of attention can help you avoid having constant worries throughout the day.
Freedom comes from dealing with your emotions. Set aside time for your thoughts. Give yourself permission to think whatever you need to think about and feel whatever you need to feel about them. Actively trying to think about the thought can take the power away. Especially the disturbing ones.
If you feel your rumination runs a bit deeper, a therapist can help you sort through your thoughts and feelings so they don’t overpower you. Often, I work with clients on learning new ways of controlled thinking that makes the thought less likely to pop back into your head at inopportune times.
Carrie
