There is an old cliché we’ve all heard many times before which is to “love yourself first”. This is an almost impossible task to learn on your own. It’s not a logical process and most likely you’ve been taught erroneously that loving yourself first is selfish and pathetic.
But here’s the deal. You can’t give someone something you don’t have for yourself. You can’t expect someone else to provide you with something you don’t have for yourself. This is a formula for relationship failure.
So what is therapy about? Finding a balance…
- Learning to define your own worth so that you are not needy and dependent upon others doing it for you.
- Taking care of your own painful feelings so that you are not blaming others for them.
- Taking responsibility for what you need to do to feel happiness so that you do not need another to make you happy.
- Taking care of your own needs so that you are not demanding that others take care of them for you.
- Taking care of your body so that you are not dependent upon others doing it for you.
- Taking care of your finances so that you are not dependent on others doing it for you.
- Taking care of yourself internally to make yourself feel safe, so that you don’t need others to provide your protection.
Carrie
Loved this! Never seen a ‘Therapy bullet-point list’ laid out before – really made an impression on me. At 57, been so busy through life doing all the ‘stuff’ that life throws at families, have got on with it. I now realise that I seem to value everyone else’s happiness much more than I do my own. Food for thought. Thank you. x
Thank you so much Anne. Let me know if I can help.