What drives your fear of being vulnerable? Are you afraid of revealing parts of yourself that someone may find unacceptable? Does keeping a distance make you feel safe and in control of your emotions? Is shame stopping you from revealing your true feelings or talking about difficult topics? Do you fear being abandoned or betrayed?
Relationships are unknown. Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. Love leaves us feeling exposed and vulnerable. Love leaves your heart wide open.
Fear is often the one thing that stands in our way when attempting to find love. Whether we admit it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love.
So, we use our defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt. We find ways of comforting ourselves to substitute for what we’re not getting. This lessens the pain so we are able to go on with our lives.
The problem with these defenses is they provide only a false sense of security, which backfires by actually keeping us from attaining closeness. Our fear of intimacy inadvertently pushes away the love of others.
Carrie
Hi Carrie. This article really relates to me right now. This year I have built a great relationship with a girl I like but I’m struggling to express how I feel about her and the fact I want a relationship with her. Over a month ago she stated she didn’t know what she wanted due to her last relationship breakdown. But since then we have grown closer. I realise now I should just go for it and tell her (and show her) because I know this is what I want. I sense she may feel the same as well through her body language, eye contact and our general connection.
Your thoughts?
Thanks,
Rob.
Hi Robert,
I’m not really a dating expert, but what I can tell you is that there is rarely any value in keeping your feelings inside. If you’re waiting for some special moment to make announcing your feelings more powerful, the moment may never come.
I wish you well =)
Carrie