Do you convey stories of inquisitiveness, courage, action and successes, or do you tell yourself stories of victimization and self-pity?
For many of us, the story may go something like this…
I’m not smart enough. I’m the black sheep in the family. I’m not good enough. I never do anything right. Nothing is ever going to work for me. I have to be the strong one. I’m never going to get a good job. People leave. I’m not what I used to be. It’s my fault. I should keep going, even if I’m exhausted. It’s not going to make any difference. They don’t like me. I’m not lovable.
Every one of us carries around old stories. Just because you have told yourself the same story thousands of times, it doesn’t necessarily make it true. Your story is not you. Your story is a belief or a thought that becomes so ingrained you, you no longer take the time to question it. You no longer examine what evidence you have to support the story as fact.
A lot of our stories start off as facts and we add to them, creating fictional tales that we then take as truth and experience as reality.
For instance, “I’m unlovable because my marriage ended.” The fact is, you divorced and your marriage didn’t work out. In actuality, there are thousands of variables that contributed to the relationship’s demise…such as lack of communication, no time for one another, differences of opinion, financial stress, family problems, dishonesty, mistrust, lack of respect, etc. But the story you told yourself is that your marriage ended and therefore you are unlovable.
The ongoing story is one of self-blame, unrealistic expectations, self-criticism, second-guessing, mindreading, fortunetelling and interpreting or misinterpreting events.
So, how do you change this? Start to challenge the story. Whose beliefs are they? Where did they come from? Are you carrying around someone else’s idea of whom you are and made it your own? Have you taken negative messages from suffering, hurt, ignorant individuals and believe them to be true? Do you hold them as your own? Are you recreating the story because it’s familiar?
I am willing to bet that some of your old stories hold you back from being able to create new stories of your own. This negative chatter left unchecked, will distract and derail you. Many aspects of the way you live, behave, think and see the world can change by simply changing the stories you tell yourself about yourself.
The stories you’re telling yourself about your work, your relationships, your priorities, your challenges and your day are typically the things addressed in therapy. There is a difference between you and the story of you. If invest your energy in the negative story you are telling yourself, you will endure that pain without questioning it. Therapy puts a new spin on old scripts.
You can tell yourself whatever story you choose. What if you start telling yourself a story of forgiveness and a story of a life that is meaningful, full and rich?
Carrie
