While in an unhealthy relationship you:
• Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better
• Notice one of you has to justify your actions (e.g. where you go, who you see)
• Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex or has been forced
• Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to share everything with the other person
• You or your partner refuse to use safer sex methods
• Notice arguments are not settled fairly
• Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other
• Notice your partner attempts to controls how you dress and criticizes your behaviors
• Do not make time to spend with one another
• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each others’ friends and family
• Notice an unequal control of resources (food, money, home, car, etc.)
• Experience a lack of fairness and equality
Having a therapist to talk to can help you work out challenges in your relationships and find a solution that is healthy for both partners.
Seek therapy when:
• You want to learn skills and tools to improve your relationship.
• One of you thinks you need it, even if the other person doesn’t think so.
• You feel stuck and what you have tried on your own is not working.
• One of you feels emotionally or physically and sexually disconnected, and can’t seem to change it on your own.
• You fight or withdraw or refuse to address issues of conflict.
• You think your partner is what is wrong with the marriage or relationship.
• You think you are what is wrong with the relationship.
• You start thinking you might be happier with someone else.
Carrie
