We all fight demons and wrestle with past and current issues. At one time or another, we have all felt what it is like to be at war with ourselves.
It is common to feel an overwhelming sense that nothing you do is ever good enough. Indecisiveness makes even small decisions difficult to the point that they never materialize. Obsessing on the would haves, could haves and should haves, prevents us from making any progress. The constant chatter in our minds produces a never-ending loop that makes it impossible to think clearly or make rational decisions. The result is constant turmoil and exhaustion.
A common defense mechanism to deal with the war is to attempt to ignore it. We pretend we are fine. We lie to ourselves. We convince ourselves that it isn’t as big as it really is. We do things to try to take our mind off of what bothers us. We make excuses so we don’t have to face the reality. It maybe uncomfortable, but to many of us, the fear of change is much, much worse.
But here is the problem. If you pretend like nothing is wrong, then you act as if nothing is wrong. Your new routine is repressing and hiding the truth. You may even be so good at pretending, that you convince yourself that it’s not a problem. You allow deception to become your new normal.
But at the end of the day, you are still alone with your thoughts. Often the battles intensify at night in the absence of distractions. You might experience racing thoughts or a pervasive thought that keeps gnawing at you. Typically, these thoughts turn into worry about not being able to function the next day because we slept so poorly. It can become a vicious cycle. I can assure you, you can’t out run it. The only way for resolution is to face it head on.
This internal war, although difficult to fight, is your biggest opportunity for change. Who are the combatants in this battle? They are you and your thoughts. Therapy helps you to negotiate an inner truce. By learning how to manage your thinking, you create problem-solving skills that are intuitive, rational, creative and practical.
Stop beating yourself up. Stop hating who you are. Stop limiting your ability to grow.
Carrie
