Do you find yourself supporting someone that is unstable, immature, irresponsible, reckless, volatile or an under achiever? Do you cover for someone else’s shortcomings? Do you lie or do things for someone to protect them from the consequences of their own actions? Are you constantly seeking approval and fearing not being loved?
If in your efforts to help someone, you find yourself being constantly hurt, disappointed and heartbroken, then you probably have developed a habit of putting what you want in life on the back burner.
This is most common in parent/child relationships, but is also frequently found in spousal relationships.
Helping to the point it hurts often comes from a desire to please others. Some people sacrifice in order to avoid rocking the boat. Some fail to prioritize their own problems for fear of appearing selfish. Others want to avoid feelings of guilt at all costs.
What these all have in common is an individual’s extreme personal sacrifice in order to feel love and worthiness.
When we are caring for a partner, family member, or friend it’s common to forget our own needs. This leads to feeling frustrated, exhausted and out of control. Hurting yourself to help others almost always results in resentment, despite your best efforts to keep it hidden.
Not only is it OK to put yourself first, it is essential. If you feel guilty for allowing your loved one to make bad decisions, remember you can’t force them to change and you can’t make decisions for them.
If you need help focusing on your own needs and learning to cope, please contact me for a free consultation. Seek help for yourself. The real betrayal is forgetting yourself.
Carrie
