Imagine a life where you realize you are worthy of good things.
• Do you lower your expectations to avoid disappointment?
• Have you decided that whatever you have right now is better than nothing?
• Do you have to convince yourself or others that you are happy?
• Do you overlook broken promises?
• Do you try to talk yourself into believing that “it’s not THAT bad?”
• Do you feel tied to your commitments?
• Do you accept bad behavior hoping it will change?
• Do you accommodate people who take more than they give?
WE ALL SETTLE in life. Settling doesn’t make you abnormal. Settling on the little things isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe you’d prefer a relationship with someone who likes the same hobbies you like. However, he or she doesn’t and we adjust. Maybe you didn’t want to work weekends at this new job, but you really needed to get your foot in the door.
Settling on the bigger things over time can become problematic.
“I’m lucky to just have a job in this economy.”
“At least he’s home every night.”
“She’s had a bad day, that’s why she’s attacking me.”
“My boss lied to me about my promotion, but he’s overwhelmed himself.”
“Other people have it worse than me.”
It’s normal to settle for the small things. A lot of it is compromise. It’s NOT OK to settle on the big things. Resentment and depression can occur when we settle for a quality of life that is less than what we are capable of. They are reminders of what could have been.
There is an old saying…better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. The logic is that it is better to deal with a difficult person or situation one knows than with a new person or situation that could always be worse. And so the process of settling begins.
A lot of what drives us to “just accept” the devil we know is a fear of the unknown and low self-esteem. People are terrified of change, failure and taking risks. We cling to familiarity.
If you feel you are living life below your potential, you are. If you see yourself settling on the big things in life there are steps you can take. Identifying areas in your life where you are settling is part of the therapy process. Connecting with those who can provide sound direction is vital.
“Better than nothing”, is not good enough.
Carrie
